Pata, age 45, treatment-resistant depression, with daughter Nariko

Pata had a difficult time growing up with her mother who had bipolar disorder and was often ill. Her mother wasn't open with anyone about her illness and her father would only say "your mother is sick." Since no one explained to Pata what was wrong with her mother, she blamed herself.

In high school, Pata started showing signs of depression, which has continued to this day and she now is diagnosed with treatment-resistant depression. "My depression is overwhelming at times," says Pata. " I feel exhausted, can't sleep, and feel bad about myself. It is hard for me to concentrate and read, even decide what to buy at the grocery store." Treatment has not been easy. Over the last 10 years, she has tried many medications. Currently, Pata takes new medications that reduce her feelings of depression, but not as much as she would like.

Pata's father is Japanese-American and she found that it took him a long time to understand her illness and her mother's bipolar disorder. "Among the Japanese, depression is often viewed as a weakness of character," explains Pata. "My father had a hard time accepting it. It was also difficult to find therapists who understand my cultural background. And when I was hospitalized, I felt alone because the other patients were not like me."

It is important to Pata to be a good mother to her daughter Nariko, and not get derailed by depression. "Being a mother is my greatest challenge," says Pata, "But, Nariko's presence has kept me strong when I have struggled the most."

Pata has made a conscious decision that Nariko not wonder what's going on and not blame herself for Pata's illness, like Pata did with her mother. "I tell Nariko when I'm sad and that my illness causes it, not her," says Pata. "But, I know Nariko has trouble accepting it. One time, she dressed up as a clown in hopes of cheering me up."

What works

Pata has taken significant ownership in getting well. From talk therapy, she developed an extensive list of coping mechanisms. These include connecting with Nariko, talking to her friends, reading Mary Oliver poems, watching movies, and bike riding. Pata loves bike riding so much so that she even rode 800 miles in August and 972 miles in July. She has used every resource available to help manage her condition, including alternative approaches such as acupuncture and reiki.

To help Nariko understand her illness, Pata wrote a children's book with her from the perspective of a child, on a mother's depression and what it means. Pata says, "I wrote things like 'Sometimes I cannot go to the movies with my mom,' and 'My mommy tells me it's not my fault. It's an illness."

When times are really tough, Pata expresses her pain through artwork. "I like to think that my depression is not all negative," says Pata, "It has enriched my artistic expression, and helped my grow as a person. I think I can help others understand depression and open a new dialogue about what depression is."