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Coping After a Tragedy
Tragedies like suicides or school shootings leave us all feeling
shocked, fearful, and helpless. Many families are grieving the sudden
death of their loved ones. This tragedy forces families to come together
and cope.
In all tragedies, families deal with immense and unexpected grief, loss,
and uncertainty about the future.
It is important for families to help one another after a tragedy by talking,
listening, and expressing their feelings and concerns. Feeling down and grieving
are normal reactions to loss. However, sometimes tragic events can trigger
a more serious depression, often as soon as 6 to 8 weeks after the loss has
occurred. So, it is important for families to understand the symptoms of depression and how to help someone who is depressed.
Below are some of our suggestions for families to help one another through
tragedy. Also listed are links to information on post-traumatic stress disorder
and talking to children.
What families can do
- Acknowledge and share your feelings. After a tragic event, you
may have feelings of shock, denial, and intense sadness. Later, you may
feel anger, resentment, irritation, and grief. These emotions can fluctuate
rapidly. Strong reactions to a tragedy are to be expected and vary greatly
among people. Even within a family, reactions and emotions to a crisis can
differ and change over time. Talk about the fears and emotions that you
have openly. It is important to be supportive of one another even if your
reactions are different.
- Be supportive and listen. Let your family and children know that
you care and are there for them. Be an 'active listener' by listening empathetically
and without judgment. Allow your family to talk, while you remain silent,
nodding and maintaining eye contact to show that you're listening. Summarize
parts of what has been said to show you understand, and allow the person
to express emotion. Be careful NOT to minimize what has happened by saying
things like 'things could have been much worse', 'we are all upset, you
need to stop dwelling on it and continue on with your life.'
- Expand your support system. Many families find it helpful to reach
out to others in their community, such as a church or support group, to
help cope with their feelings and reduce the isolation. Families need extensive
and unconditional support in the wake of a tragedy.
- Ask for help. Let your family know that they can tell you when
they need help. Be available and ready to listen when asked. Remember that
mental health professionals, including social
workers, psychologists, and psychiatrists, are there for you if you need
help processing your feelings.
- Understand your own limits. Recognize that you will not have unlimited
ability to help and take care of others. You need to take care of yourself
as well. It is OK and advisable to reach out to friends and medical
professionals to get through tough times.
- Keep your schedule. Although you may feel helpless, it is important
to keep your daily routine and get lots of sleep and exercise. Stay on your
medications. You need to stay healthy to counter the stress of a crisis.
- Plan family time. Set aside time to talk and be with your family.
You can also plan activities such as dinners, walks, volunteering, and spiritual
events to come together and experience some positive time together after
a terrible hardship.
- Be aware of disorders. Stressful events can lead to post-traumatic
stress disorder (PTSD) (see below) and can trigger a serious
depression weeks or months afterward. Be aware of the symptoms of these
disorders and get help from your doctor or mental health
professional.
- When to seek immediate help. If at any time a family member or
friend becomes depressed or talks about death or suicide, seek immediate help. Contact your
doctor, go to your local emergency room, or call 1-800-suicide.
How to help your children
Post-traumatic Stress Disorder
Post-traumatic stress disorder is a response to a traumatic event, that
often occurs weeks or months after the event. The symptoms are nightmares
and flashbacks to the trauma, avoidance of reminders of the event, lack of
responsiveness or withdrawal, sleep disturbances, irritability, and lack of
concentration. PTSD may require treatment with psychotherapy and/or medications.
For more information:
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