Parenting a Depressed Child
Depression is the 'bad guy', not your child
Parenting is not easy. Parenting a child with depression is even harder. Remember, depression is a medical condition. Your child is not acting this way on purpose.
Here's what you can do to help:
Honor your child's feelings. It is difficult to see your child sad and in
pain. Your first response might be to try to cheer him or her up. Don't. Trying
to make depressed children and teens happy makes them feel like the depression
can be willed away. It is more helpful to listen. Acknowledge their feelings,
and take them seriously.
Use encouraging statements rather than punishment. Instead of yelling,
"Turn that television off! You haven't done your homework yet!" say "When you
finish your homework, you can watch television."
Separate the deed from the doer. If your child constantly forgets to take
his or her lunch money to school, don't say, "You are so forgetful! You can't
remember a simple thing like your lunch money!" Instead, say something that
focuses on the behavior, not your child, like "I know it has been hard for you
to remember your lunch money. What can we do to make sure it gets put in your
book bag every morning?"
Focus on consequences rather than punishment. For example, if your child
breaks a lamp during a temper tantrum, use a logical consequence (like having
your child help glue the lamp back together or use his or her allowance to have
the lamp repaired) rather than issuing an unrelated punishment (like sending
your child to his or her room for the rest of the evening).
Help your child build a "feeling vocabulary." Many people have difficulty
finding the words to describe how they are feeling. Helping children and teens
to label their feelings gives them a vocabulary that will enable them to speak
about feelings. For children, posters and coloring pages that contain lists or
drawings of various emotions can be helpful.
Show unconditional love and support. Many depressed children and teens
feel unloved and unlovable. Say, "I love you" often. Hug or pat him or her on
the back. With young children, be sure to cuddle together.
Encourage your child to engage in activities. Consider the activities
your child enjoys and suggest doing those together. But don't force, threaten,
or bribe him or her to do so. If your child is not feeling well enough to
participate, honor that feeling.
Create good sleeping habits. Children and teens with depression often
have difficulty sleeping. This leads to more irritability and exhaustion.
Sticking to a consistent bedtime, stopping caffeine intake, and getting regular
exercise can improve the quality and quantity of sleep.
Understand that depression is a medical condition. Although it is often
difficult to keep your cool when your child is acting out, it is important not
to punish or say hurtful things. Your child can't help feeling and behaving the
way he or she does. You can be angry at the depression while still feeling love
and concern for your child who is hurting
